Back Soon

Hello, and welcome to another episode of What Really Chaffs My Nuts. I know that I have been out of circulation for a while, but I have not forgotten. Work and being a being a parent has made , but while I am currently working on something new I will give you something new to enjoy.  That something is "The Happy Tree Friends". YAY! So without further a due enjoy the "HAPPY TREE FRIENDS".

  Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

Visor Makes The Douche

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". In this episode what really chafs my nuts is visors, or more importantly the douchebags who wear them. Now I could go into this whole rant about how I think that those who wear visors have forever changed and destroyed our culture.

 I could rant about how I think that your existence is the cause of autism, but instead I'll let a poem written by a talented artist who is a friend of mine explain it. The author goes by the pen name 5A5 . Enjoy.

Hats
and masks
Sunglasses
and shade
Another reason
to run away
Comfy sweaters
Nostalgic scent
Wasted efforts
Money is spent
Hipster
Follower
FAKE
Urban
Bohemian
Lover
Hate
Trying hard to be unique
Yet, you are all just the same
Start a new trend
“Let’s all wear visors”
Instead of living in the real world
Taking guidance from the wiser
Demented indie punks
That need spiritual advisors
Living off daddy’s money
In Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Starving yourselves
because you can never be too thin
Poets, starving artists, philosophers
Taking any drug given to you
Rufies and more
But who cares anyway?
It’s the latest craze
Shooting heroin and smoking haze
"Cus all the cool kids do it
And I want to be one of them!"
Trust fund babies
Zombies as friends
Paying twice the price for a ten-time worn cardigan
Designer glasses
with non-prescription lenses
Pentagram chokers
Non-menthol smokers
Might as well just kill yourselves now

I'll just let that settle in. Until the next rash,

Lou Ford 

P.S.

Go to Facebook and check out 5A5 page. Seriously, great stuff. Check it out.

Did you know that only 1 in 20 people know how to cook any kind of dish that could    be remotely edible that would be considered Italian (not a real statistic)? Help us        change that. Stop eating SpagettiOs and check out Gracie's Ravioli. 

Go to Gracie's for all things Italian. www.GraciesRavioli.com

Gracie's Ravioli, they'll make a garvone out of you yet. 

The Bystander Effect and the White Trash Venice

Welcome to another episode of What Really Chaffs My Nuts. This episode is looking at something that is extremely serious and disgusting. This is horrific. What happened was that a young woman was raped in front of hundreds of spring breakers who just looked on.

Delonte’ Martistee (left) and Ryan Austin Calhoun. (Bay County Sheriff’s Office)

What makes this so fucking horrible was that so many people were there, many of who knew what was going on and were more concerned about doing body shots than the welfare of a peer. That is absolutely appalling. What is perhaps worse is the fact that the college that the two suspects were attending only suspended them. A third suspect has been arrested as well. He is George Davon Kennedy who is a student at Middle Tennessee State University. Seriously Troy University, with the video basically pointing directly at two of your students, you guys only suspended them? You treated them as if they were two mischievous school boys who had gotten into a fucking fight at recess. This was a Damn rape, and to top it off there was a video that points directly to the two

George Davon Kennedy 

students as being the perpetrators. Oh, yeah, Delonte Martistee, Ryan Austin Calhoun are Troy University students.  Troy University thanks for your douchebaginess. Perhaps the only thing worse than your reaction to this situation is the college drop out who still hangs out on campus playing guitar. You know the douchebag.

 He's the one who pretentiously sings about how every beer he ever drank he keeps on a shelf above his bed, or that he doesn't have to wear a shirt because he plays frisbee. No wait, the real assholes here are the other party goers.

I'm gonna play "Wonderwall" again.

Thank you  spring breakers  for on looking, because of that you've made watching a dogfight seem like a night at the ballet. The reason why I say that is because while dog fights are cruel and brutal, at least at a dog fight people would actually be engaged even if it was to fulfill the need for blood. This incidents bystander affect was so extreme that even Bill Cosby would be a little freaked out. This would also be his wet dream, as he'd exclaim that he put the pills in the J-E-L-L-O shot, and then remove his ugly sweater to perform the horrific act. The sad thing about this is that this "bystander effect" is not an uncommon thing. It is an actual social psychological phenomenon.

The bystander effect is basically when bystanders offer no help to someone who is in need. What many scientists and researchers have actually discovered is that the more people in the area of disturbance, the less likely the victim will receive help. So, what that means is that you'd be better off getting  shived by Suge Knight in a holding cell than you would be getting beaten in Time Square. Why, because with crowds in Time Square, all those people wouldn't feel the need to take on the burden because "someone else will take the responsibility". I'm not going to get into a whole dissertation on the psychosocial aspects of this social disorder, but that is part of the reason why that girl received no help. That and the fact that everybody there are scumbags who were more concerned about tapping a keg than the fact that a crime was being committed in front of them. Why? Well, because college is hard, and they need time to unwind.

I would also like to give a shout out to the state of Florida. Florida, the state that is literally sinking. The whole state is literally sinking, and yet Governor Rick Scott put a band on the use of the  terms climate change and global warming in communications and publications. That includes it's use by the Florida Department of Environmental Protection. Seriously. While it isn't an official law Rick Scott had requested that an agency whose purpose is to deal with environmental problems can't discuss something that could be a huge threat. Florida, the only thing I can say is that while bad things happen everywhere, when it happens on your turf it somehow comes to represent the ass backwards futile nature of man. Thank you Florida, you white trash version of Venice. Thank you for that reminder. 

Honestly though, I think that the Bay County Sheriff's department should be thanked for it's handling of the incident. From what I know, they have have been empathetic and compassionate toward the victim, which doesn't happen as often as if should. Thank you. 

 

So, the winners of the "Big Cup of Go Fuck Yourself Award" goes to:

1) The Rapist:

The third rapist scumbag.

Two of the rapist scumbags.

2)  The Spring Breakers:

The fucktard party goers.

3) Troy University:

4) The State of Florida:

5) The State of Alabama:  

Until the next Rash,

Lou Ford

FIN 

Hello, and well come to another episode of What Really Chaffs My Nuts. This is a not a rant yet, but a bit of a promotion. So, coming soon, The Big Cup of Go Fuck Yourself Award. 

I'll pour a piping hot one for ya.

It is an award, well actually not an award, but more of an acknowledgement of the douche bags in the world, and then honor them for their assholish fucktardedness. I'll basically thank them for the comedy they have provided, and then symbolically drink a toast to them out of my big "Big Cup of Go Fuck Yourself" mug. People like this will be honored.

Dieing?

Really, dieing? Really? Just read it. Dieing?
So until the next rash,










Lou Ford

FIN

P.S.

Do you love Italian Food? Then you gotta check out Gracie's Ravioli. 

Go to Gracie's for all things Italian.  Visit  www.GraciesRavioli.com.

Gracie's Ravioli, they'll make a garvone out of you yet. 

Getting dull

Welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". This isn't a rant, but recently when I was watching TV with my daughter I saw Ice Cube on Sesame Street with Elmo; it was hilarious, and I added the text to the below image. 

Hilarious right? But seriously, you know you lost your edge when you're appearing on Sesame Street with Elmo.

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford.

FIN

Jackknifed tooth pull.

Hello again, and welcome to another installment of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". The incident that rubbed me the wrong way is something that is truly hilarious. It's chocked full of so much raw fucktarded stupidity that my head nearly exploded from how hard I laughed.

So, here's the deal, this truck driver decided that the best time to pull out a loose tooth with both hands was while driving an 18-wheeler. I'm not really sure what to say about that one. I'm really not sure, but then would you expect anything less in Alabama?

This is the state that not only has the worst education system, but the record for the most horrid oral care in the world. Seriously, Canadian hockey players have healthier teeth. Meth addicts in Arkansas have better oral hygiene. Somali militia men who are payed with the addictive plant khat which they chew all day long resulting in homicidal  psychosis have better teeth than an anyone from Alabama. I mean just the fact that this happened in the state of Alabama pretty much means it's case closed. Hey, that's what makes this country great. If a tweaked out, snaggletoothed truck driver can't jack knife his 18 wheeler on the interstate while trying to perform backyard dentistry then I don't know what is. Maybe I was wrong, that's not all that America is. America is freedom; freedom of speech, religion, and choices. It's Apple pie, and black coffee.
It's the birthplace of Fordism , which is the idea of a modern economic and social system based on industrialized and standardized form of mass production. Look that up.  It's the right to marry anyone you want, in most states anyway. Barbie is America. The Teddy Bear is America. Disney is America. Hell, the Internet is America.

One of the two staples  of John Wayne's diet.

Bruno convicted.

All those things are American, and so is crystal meth derived from sudafed and made by people who are now all dead. Snorting coke off of a dead hooker tits is America. Pro-athletes kiss their sweeties with their fists is America too. Well, that last one isn't entirely true. Bruno Fernandes de Souza.

Bruno Fernandes de Souza

Look him up and see what you get. Just a clue, he killed somebody, was convicted, and was still allowed to play soccer. I guess that what America is, a country of freedoms and stupidity.  Roller derby being a form of sexuality is American too. Oh, and I almost forgot, so is complaining about the lose of American jobs to foreigners, and then hiring day labors to mow your lawn and trim your hedges. All those things are American, but more importantly for this story, the south's history of bad oral hygiene is America.

Bruno convicted and still playing soccer. 

A Proud  Alabamians' mouth. 

Until the next rash, 

Lou Ford

FIN

Shia Labout to eat flesh

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". I am working another longer and hopefully entertaining post, but just to keep you occupied here is this hilarious Youtube video. The song is by Rob Cantor, and while I hate Shia Labeouf, the whole set up is so funny I don't even care about how it ends. That's enough from me; enjoy!  

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN