LOVE FOR LIMBS
You know what rubs me the wrong way? Diamonds. Yes, those
sparkly little pieces of carbon that come from the earth, and are seen as being
the epitome of true love. But the prettiness is not the issue; it's the fact that
we pay so much for something that is absolutely worthless. That's right they
are completely and utterly worthless. Keeping that in mind I want you to do
something for me, think about a used Honda Civic. Yes, while I'm reading this
keep that in the back of your brain.
Love for limbs.
See, now is what jewelry stores are calling
"engagement season" which isn't even a real thing, but with the
holidays gifts of love are more expected. What I mean is that with this being
the season of giving it means more expensive presents are wanted. Plus what is
more romantic than proposing during the holidays. It's love. That's right, now
more than ever diamonds are forever, and every kiss begins with Kay. And it
doesn't matter where it happens as the commercials indicate. Hell, it could be
in a war zone with bombs going off, small arms fire, screaming and blood. A
dude could propose there and whala, it's magic. And if one of them gets a limb
blown off their love, represented by the diamond, would over come all. Why? Because
diamonds are forever, and hell he liked it so much he decided to put a ring on
it, so who cares. But see here's the thing folks, diamonds aren't rare, and the
only reason they're expensive is because De Beers, a Belgium diamond
corporation/cartel, has a monopoly on the mining industry. If it still isn't
clear just look at it like this and you'll understand. Diamonds are basically
like a Kardashian; sure they may be pretty, glimmer, and produce the
occasional spark of brilliance, but ultimately their soulless, vapid, and
basically worthless. Just to be clear, they are not a good investment because
they're worth fuck all.
Now in order to understand this we're gonna have to go
back in time. So everybody jump into the
DeLorean cause here we go. When diamonds were first discovered
they were pretty, and mankind was attracted to them like a yellow lab or a
moron are to a shiny red balls. One reason why is because at that time they
were rare. Moving further up the time line diamonds were still valuable but
were never seen as a requirement for marriage. Then in the 1920's De Beers
decided "hey, what the fuck. Let's get rich". They launched what was
basically the most successful ad campaign in history. They plastered signs
everywhere telling men that if they didn't buy a diamond ring then they were
pencil dicked dandiepoofs. They said the same to women about their men.
Basically those Belgium bastards had firm gripped on to our nut sacks while
they whispered seductively into our ears. All the while they were ripping off
mineral rich 3rd world nations. Think about that used Honda Civic.
Now we'll fast forward to 1975. The place is Africa. I'm
gonna ask you to forgive me in advance for what I'm about to say. Africa, the
land that god has forgotten, we'll accept for Bono. Bono remembers. See due to colonialism,
and being mineral rich most of the regions are unstable in someway. Angolan is
the first real notable instance where diamonds played a very controversial
roll. During that 27 year long war the rebel group known as UNITA had sold
about 3 billion dollars worth of diamonds to De Beers which was used to fund
the conflict. In fact just as a side note everyone's cell phone and computer
contains elements that came from a conflict region, like the Democratic
Republic of Congo, where a bloody war was fought and may still be for control
of the resource. So everybody at some point take out your cell phones and fell
guilty. Moving on.
Think about that Honda Civic cause we're gonna be getting
to it.
Oh, and don't worry this will all come back around. It's a
circle jerk of history that will prove my point when we get to the money
shot.
We'll fast-forward a little more to the conflict that
really brought the "blood diamond issue into the public eye. This is the
era that I like to call love for limbs. It's the civil war that spawned the
magnificent film Blood Diamond starring Jennifer Connolly and Leonardo
DeCapreio. Ah Leo, love that man. But seriously this was a the first time that
the public was really aware, and in typical Western it's too far away to affect
me fashion we just didn't give a fuck. The conflict I'm talking about is the Sierra Leone civil war.
That was a war that involved two countries in particular Sierra Leone and
Liberia.
A Sierra Leon was already a country that was in civil
unrest when it became a hellhole. Rebel forces know as the RUF fought the
government for among other things control of the mines. The nation of Liberia
lead by the president Charles Taylor supported the RUF for among other things
money. Charles Taylor is this well educated major dick that could be best
described as a warlord professor. He'd give s lecture, and if you weren't
paying attention he'd lop off an arm.
That war breed long sleeve and short sleeve amputations
and child soldiers. Yup drugged up AK wheeled, RPG firing 6 years. It was kinda
like Children Of The Corn only Rambo style. Oh, and long sleeve short sleeve
amputations was having either a hand chopped off at the wrist, or the arm at
the elbow. It kinda was the victim’s choice. That is why I called it loves for limbs. Just
think of it in the same terms as one of those stuffed animals whose tag reads,
“For everyone bought an animal is saved”. Now while that was happening De Beers was
buying uncut stones like they were going out of style. Then after stock piling
the shit they'd control the flow on the market and jack up the prices. In short,
after violence, blood shed, slave labor, bombings and amputations. After forced
displacement, the use of mercenaries, the physical and emotion crumpling of an
entire society. After greed, and the need for a symbol of immortal love we have
the nations of Sierra Leone, Liberia, and the engagement ring. And who do we
blame for this flay of fuck destruction? White people. That's right white
people feel guilty. Just kidding. Seriously thought, ain’t love
grand?
So what's the point of all this shit? Well here is where
the circle jerk comes full circle. The money shot is about to premiere. Just
keep the Honda Civic in mind.
Now I know that some of you are thinking who cares because
that conflict is over, or it's not bothering me. Many are thinking does it even
matter if we don't even know where Sierra Leone? Some of you are probably thinking that happened all the
way cross the world, or that's capitalism. Some dudes might even say last
Christmas they got some good head because of a diamond jewelry. They were on
the naughty list for a good reason if you know what I mean. That's cool; the
whole compassion for human suffering due to greed deal just ain't some people's
thing. I mean that’s what happened, the west wanted pretty stones from the
earth and De Beers has done that at any cost. Fine, then here’s what I guess
you could call the money shot.
So how about this, remember the used Honda Civic. When you
look up the value of a used Honda Civic, let's say a 2000 that's in a good
condition. You'll find that it's worth 1,900 give or take, but the diamond on
the other hand not so much. Go take a diamond ring, any piece of diamond
jewelry and try to resell it. Just try it as an experiment and see what happens.
You know what you'll find out? You'll discover that if you're lucky maybe
you'll get a grand. In other words something that costs 4-6 thousand
depreciates so much in value that you probably couldn't use it to cover the
cost of the damage of getting your car keyed. The used Honda Civics’ value
would cover that cost. Yup, a 16-year-old rice burner holds more value than
that supposed symbol of eternal love. In other words you got fucked. So remember while ever kiss begins with Kay,
one of those kisses maybe you kissing your parents ass so you can live in their
basement while you get your shit together.
It’s love for limbs.
Ain't love grand?
