Sunday, October 23, 2016

Love for Limps

LOVE FOR LIMBS





You know what rubs me the wrong way? Diamonds. Yes, those sparkly little pieces of carbon that come from the earth, and are seen as being the epitome of true love. But the prettiness is not the issue; it's the fact that we pay so much for something that is absolutely worthless. That's right they are completely and utterly worthless. Keeping that in mind I want you to do something for me, think about a used Honda Civic. Yes, while I'm reading this keep that in the back of your brain. 

Love for limbs.

See, now is what jewelry stores are calling "engagement season" which isn't even a real thing, but with the holidays gifts of love are more expected. What I mean is that with this being the season of giving it means more expensive presents are wanted. Plus what is more romantic than proposing during the holidays. It's love. That's right, now more than ever diamonds are forever, and every kiss begins with Kay. And it doesn't matter where it happens as the commercials indicate. Hell, it could be in a war zone with bombs going off, small arms fire, screaming and blood. A dude could propose there and whala, it's magic. And if one of them gets a limb blown off their love, represented by the diamond, would over come all. Why? Because diamonds are forever, and hell he liked it so much he decided to put a ring on it, so who cares. But see here's the thing folks, diamonds aren't rare, and the only reason they're expensive is because De Beers, a Belgium diamond corporation/cartel, has a monopoly on the mining industry. If it still isn't clear just look at it like this and you'll understand. Diamonds are basically like a Kardashian; sure they may be pretty, glimmer, and produce the occasional spark of brilliance, but ultimately their soulless, vapid, and basically worthless. Just to be clear, they are not a good investment because they're worth fuck all. 

Now in order to understand this we're gonna have to go back in time.  So everybody jump into the DeLorean cause here we go. When diamonds were first discovered they were pretty, and mankind was attracted to them like a yellow lab or a moron are to a shiny red balls. One reason why is because at that time they were rare. Moving further up the time line diamonds were still valuable but were never seen as a requirement for marriage. Then in the 1920's De Beers decided "hey, what the fuck. Let's get rich". They launched what was basically the most successful ad campaign in history. They plastered signs everywhere telling men that if they didn't buy a diamond ring then they were pencil dicked dandiepoofs. They said the same to women about their men. Basically those Belgium bastards had firm gripped on to our nut sacks while they whispered seductively into our ears. All the while they were ripping off mineral rich 3rd world nations. Think about that used Honda Civic. 

Now we'll fast forward to 1975. The place is Africa. I'm gonna ask you to forgive me in advance for what I'm about to say. Africa, the land that god has forgotten, we'll accept for Bono. Bono remembers. See due to colonialism, and being mineral rich most of the regions are unstable in someway. Angolan is the first real notable instance where diamonds played a very controversial roll. During that 27 year long war the rebel group known as UNITA had sold about 3 billion dollars worth of diamonds to De Beers which was used to fund the conflict. In fact just as a side note everyone's cell phone and computer contains elements that came from a conflict region, like the Democratic Republic of Congo, where a bloody war was fought and may still be for control of the resource. So everybody at some point take out your cell phones and fell guilty. Moving on.

Think about that Honda Civic cause we're gonna be getting to it.

Oh, and don't worry this will all come back around. It's a circle jerk of history that will prove my point when we get to the money shot. 

We'll fast-forward a little more to the conflict that really brought the "blood diamond issue into the public eye. This is the era that I like to call love for limbs. It's the civil war that spawned the magnificent film Blood Diamond starring Jennifer Connolly and Leonardo DeCapreio. Ah Leo, love that man. But seriously this was a the first time that the public was really aware, and in typical Western it's too far away to affect me fashion we just didn't give a fuck. The conflict I'm talking about is the Sierra Leone civil war. That was a war that involved two countries in particular Sierra Leone and Liberia. 

A Sierra Leon was already a country that was in civil unrest when it became a hellhole. Rebel forces know as the RUF fought the government for among other things control of the mines. The nation of Liberia lead by the president Charles Taylor supported the RUF for among other things money. Charles Taylor is this well educated major dick that could be best described as a warlord professor. He'd give s lecture, and if you weren't paying attention he'd lop off an arm. 

That war breed long sleeve and short sleeve amputations and child soldiers. Yup drugged up AK wheeled, RPG firing 6 years. It was kinda like Children Of The Corn only Rambo style. Oh, and long sleeve short sleeve amputations was having either a hand chopped off at the wrist, or the arm at the elbow. It kinda was the victim’s choice.  That is why I called it loves for limbs. Just think of it in the same terms as one of those stuffed animals whose tag reads, “For everyone bought an animal is saved”.  Now while that was happening De Beers was buying uncut stones like they were going out of style. Then after stock piling the shit they'd control the flow on the market and jack up the prices. In short, after violence, blood shed, slave labor, bombings and amputations. After forced displacement, the use of mercenaries, the physical and emotion crumpling of an entire society. After greed, and the need for a symbol of immortal love we have the nations of Sierra Leone, Liberia, and the engagement ring. And who do we blame for this flay of fuck destruction? White people. That's right white people feel guilty. Just kidding. Seriously thought, ain’t love grand? 

So what's the point of all this shit? Well here is where the circle jerk comes full circle. The money shot is about to premiere. Just keep the Honda Civic in mind. 

Now I know that some of you are thinking who cares because that conflict is over, or it's not bothering me. Many are thinking does it even matter if we don't even know where Sierra Leone? Some of you are probably thinking that happened all the way cross the world, or that's capitalism. Some dudes might even say last Christmas they got some good head because of a diamond jewelry. They were on the naughty list for a good reason if you know what I mean. That's cool; the whole compassion for human suffering due to greed deal just ain't some people's thing. I mean that’s what happened, the west wanted pretty stones from the earth and De Beers has done that at any cost. Fine, then here’s what I guess you could call the money shot. 

So how about this, remember the used Honda Civic. When you look up the value of a used Honda Civic, let's say a 2000 that's in a good condition. You'll find that it's worth 1,900 give or take, but the diamond on the other hand not so much. Go take a diamond ring, any piece of diamond jewelry and try to resell it. Just try it as an experiment and see what happens. You know what you'll find out? You'll discover that if you're lucky maybe you'll get a grand. In other words something that costs 4-6 thousand depreciates so much in value that you probably couldn't use it to cover the cost of the damage of getting your car keyed. The used Honda Civics’ value would cover that cost. Yup, a 16-year-old rice burner holds more value than that supposed symbol of eternal love. In other words you got fucked.  So remember while ever kiss begins with Kay, one of those kisses maybe you kissing your parents ass so you can live in their basement while you get your shit together. 

It’s love for limbs.

Ain't love grand? 




Until the next rash,


Lou Ford



FIN 



Copyright © Andrew Bruce 2016

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