Bambi and the Big G.

Hello, and welcome back to "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". This go around I'm not gonna rant, but instead I'm going to honor one of the greatest movie monsters of all time: GODZILLA. Natures pay back for the Atomic bomb, the Big G, the Atomic Antique-Godzilla! One of the most iconic movie monsters that was ever created. I mean the dude/it has a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. And so in honor of Godzilla, and the new film I now present the short cartoon "Bambi Meets Godzilla". Enjoy.

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

Hello. Welcome to another episode of what really chaffs my nuts. Let us begin.

So, there is this sewage treatment plant in Seattle that has actually started to rent out it property for weddings. Yes, you heard me correctly; a sewage treatment plant can now be rented for weddings. That's great isn't it?  What is the message behind that?  Seriously?  I'll give you a second to contemplate that.  Do so while staring at this image of raw sewage.

So what answer have you?  Well, I don't really have an answer but more of a question. The thing I'm trying to figure out is why a sewage treatment plant?  It's already bad enough that there are Renaissance fair themed weddings, but a place that recycles shit?  Exactly what value do you place on your relationship?  I mean the reception is basically an island surrounded by shit. It's kinda like India.  Well, let me correct myself; India isn't an island.  And from my understanding there are beautiful parts of that country.  Still, go into a city and it's shitty.  I literally mean "shitty".  The only thing missing from the plant is medical waste, curry, and a brothel full under aged Nepalese girls.

What makes it even worse is that the treatment plant is also offering a fully catered kitchen.  Now why would you want to eat food prepared at a sewage treatment plant?  Well, here's a word that might deter you from doing that (eating food prepared at a sewage treatment plant) ; it's Dysentery.  Well that actually more than just a word, it's an infection of the intestine that causes among other things super diarrhea.  Just look it up.  It's pretty nasty.

Something vicious like up above.

Honestly, why would anyone want to have a wedding there?  Anybody got an answer?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not all about the tradition per say, still a wedding is usually about love, and committing to the person who is your best friend.  It's about committing to someone you just can't live without.  The person that possesses your soul no matter how light or dark it may be.  It's not about celebrating that union by uniting in a place that should prove gas masks due to noxious fumes.  The plant promises no foul smells.  Either way do you want to go to a place that comes with secrete ingredient built in to season the food?  It's the same concern you'd have about the state of your food after you've pissed off the wait staff.  In other words we all get concerned when we might have been rude to your waiter/waitress at a restaurant.  Why?  Well, he/she might just spit in your food, or worse.  In that place they've cut out the middle man.  In fact they've cut out the entire production line because every bodies food has it.

Here's another way to look at it; this could be the first true test of your marriage.  That whole part of the vows where you honor, cherish and love in sickness and in health?  Well, that could be your marriage.  See how romantic it is to hold hands while suffering from gross super diarrhea.  When your shitting your brains out so bad that you expect to find your shoes in the bowel, tell me that all those little things will really be of comfort.  That's what will happen when you eat food laden with fecal matter from a large city.  Put simply that's what could happen when you eat fucking food prepared at a  sewage treatment plant.  A little disgusting?  Here are some pictures of cute puppies and kittens. 

Cute aren't they? There is a silver lining though. The plant only charges $2,000 for then entire affair. That means that you can use the rest for the emergency room bill, the couples counseling, and/or the divorce.  I say counseling and/or divorce because one of you is going to have a resentment over the choice of wedding venue.  What else is there to say.  I guess that if you have your wedding reception at a sewage treatment plant you might have to be prepared for the possibility that your marriage, like at the treatment plant which recycles it, may turn to shit.

With that I will leave you. 

Until the next rash,

Lou Ford

FIN