Judge Judy

Hello, and welcome again to another episodes of sorts of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". While I am preparing another post, I wanted you to just remember that in our nation this is simple truth. 

Yup, that rights, Judge Judy is more appealing than anybody else. That is the simple reality for all those daytime TV viewers. She is of utmost importance along with all those hens (the women) posing as hosts from "The View". Think about it. 

Until the next rash, 

Lou Ford

FIN

Hello again my friends, and now it;s time for another installment of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". Do you know what really chaffs my nuts? Well, check this out: 

A friend of mine made me aware of this video, Alison Gold's "Chinese Food", and its popularity; so I checked it out. I hate myself for it. Yes, this is the most disgusting thing I've seen next to Mickey Rourke's face at any time during his existence. I mean just look at his face. Just do it just for a second. Scroll down and look. 

You'll probably only stare at it for as long as you watched that shitty exploitative, corny music video. And Bruce Jenner's face. That thing is a horrible, horrible monstrosity of human face. It's (Bruce's) face looks like a sideways face lifted vagina that's been stretched over an elderly man's bony knee cap. But I'll  move on. 

That song was more of a waste of time than trying to open a bag of Chex Mix. You can't open one of those things without a fucking blow torch and a concrete saw. "Tear Here" my ass. You use your teeth and you end up chip a tooth. Then as you scream and curse at General Mills,  you try to cut the bag open only instead you slice off your finger. The blood pours out, spurting on the kitchen counter, and pooling on the floor. Attempting to stop the bleeding you almost slip on the crimson pool below you. Then the door bell rings and as you begin to suffer from shock you answer the door in hopes of getting help, however you discover it's girl scouts from the local troop selling those delicious cookies. The tragic result is that the little girls become so traumatized by the episode that they drop out of school. Then they become alcoholics, or drug addicts, and start working at a fast food drive in windows. 

The only job worse than that is a cashier at the store "Spencer's". "Spencer's",  ewww! 

But seriously, that song made me want to give myself a colonoscopy with a garden hose and a camcorder. Why? Simple, that pain would have distracted me from the pain of my soul slowly being murdered by just the melody of that tune. It's about Chinese food, why the fuck should we care? Really? The only problem is that once the video started I found myself becoming so enraged that I wanted nothing more than to have Alison Gold (the star of the video) be shanghaied and forced to make poorly made products that will be sold in the West. Even better, if she had been made into the "ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chow mein" she loved so much. That chow mein thing was a line from the song by the way. Then I got over my rage, but only for a minute. Why? Well, because the next thing that they present to you is a fucking black guy in a panda suit. 

 Yeah, a slightly skinner version of Fat Albert takes off the Panda head and begins to sing. Actually, he's more of a fat Usher.

It was an abomination. It still isn't nearly as bad as black face, but it's close. Plus, it injected a creepy vibe that made the song much more disturbing. A grown man in a panda suit playing Monopoly with a bunch of little girls he has no relation to, that's unnerving. 

 I'm sorry, but under any other circumstance he'd have to register as a sex offender. But, stepping away from that concept, the song just plain sucks ass. Seriously it does. And then the strange man had a pillow fight with the little girls.

     

Now I know that you think I'm racist because of the whole black guy in a panda suit thing. However,  let me make this clear, any adult who is in a panda suit hanging out with prepubescent girls on their free time is creepy. In this case it's like seeing R. Kelley use a unisex bathroom at "Chuck E. Cheese". And besides the whole damn video is racist.       

So to sum this all up, having seen this I have only one reaction. This:

Until the next rash,



Lou Ford

FIN

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts".

I didn't put in an entry for Halloween due to school, and a medical issue, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to at least wish everyone a Happy Be-lated Halloween. Though I am not a big fan of Halloween, I still enjoyed this short cartoon. I hope you do too.

Until the next rash,



Lou Ford

FIN