You know what really chaffs my nuts? Do you really know what chaffs my nuts? Game shows; the new ones, not the old ones. The new ones, and that includes the reality TV ones like Project Runway and the Bachelor. I mean I hate them. But then I thought of something. Everybody is having these huge debates about health care so I got an idea. See, I saw one of those "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" commercial, and I got to thinking why not make obtaining prescriptions, and approval for medical procedures fun.
Why not do something like "What would you do for your insulin?". How about "Wheel of Valtrex" or how about for a board game called "The Game of Gonorrhea"? For another board game we could have "AIDS Monopoly"? There are so many options. By the way here is some fun that can be had with Type 2 Diabetes:
I thought about it some more, and I thought why not make it interesting for the elderly folks as well. Why not have something like "Hip Replacement Bingo". It could also be just "Medical Procedure Approval Bingo". That name is a bit long but you get the premise. See what I'm saying? We could take something that is potentially a national tragedy and turn it into fun. I mean our nation used to have draft raffles, so why not do the same only have there be a bigger payoff. Oh and before I forget; instead of the "Newly Wed Game" it could be "The Newly Infected Game". Are you offended? Well, just think about it for a moment.
I mean with all the obesity, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes I just figured we could either make our demise a little more interesting than laughing at the fat kid waddling home from school. It's either that or finding a way for America as a whole to become healthier. The chances of that happening are about as slim as removing glow sticks ecstasy rollin' ravers. How about as slim a chance as Richard Gere being able to live down the gerbil rumor.
I mean how could you possible live down a rumor about a rumor of a sex act that involves a gerbil tub, a live gerbil, lube, and your ass. I mean seriously how do you explain that to a doctor? Do you roll up discretely in a limo, and then waddle (or limp) into the E.R. and tell them what? Tell them that the heat had been turned off in your apartment and you were just trying to keep your best friend warm? How about that it's your child, but it's just a birth defect? What about telling the doctor that you were just following orders and the small creature inside of you, well he's the one in charge? Seriously? Anyone got an answer? When you do let me know.
Back to the subject at hand; how else can health care be made fun? What are other ways that we can make health care fun for the whole family? While there are so many ways, but I want to keep this fairly short. So, here is my last idea. Ready? My last idea is a game called Kevorkian Roulette. Kevorkian as in Dr. Kevorkian. If you don't know who he is then Google him. The game is just like Russian Roulette only it involves euthanasia. It would be played like this; there could be several IVs with one containing poison while all the others contain saline. Now you would take several terminally ill patients and they would take turns being hooked up to each IV, and the one who dies first loses. What is the reward, rather the prize? The winner gets all the medical treatment they need free of charge. Or maybe the prize is death. The one who puts himself out of his misery first wins. Either way it just depends on your perspective. So with that I will leave you.
Hello again, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". This one isn't one where I'm gonna rant, but instead I'm just going to show you what I think Christmas means to us these days. Observe:
So, for right now I'll wish you a happy holidays.
Until the next rash,
Lou Ford
FIN
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Hi. Do you know what really chaffs my nuts? Well, actually who? This guy:
There are so many things that I could say about this, but I think I'll leave it to South Park first. Take it away Tray and Matt.
The reason why I say this is because of this:
Girlfriend to deputies: George Zimmerman pointed a shotgun at me
What was deal was that Zimmerman had been arrested after a domestic dispute occurred where apparently George Zimmerman had threatened his girlfriend with a shotgun. When authorities arrived he had barricaded himself in the home that his girlfriend and he were sharing after his divorce. So, now while he was released he has to stay away from his girlfriend, surrender all of his fire arms, and wear a satellite monitor.
Ok, so I lied. I do got a little to say. The one question I got is why the hell would you after being the center of a contrives that had the potential to have worse consequences than The Rodney King trails, and Ben Affleck possibly playing batman, why would you still find ways to thrust yourself into the media spot light. Seriously? Getting pulled over several time, and then being involved in a previous domestic dispute with your ex-wife and her father. A dispute that involves of all things, but the exact thing that gotten you in trouble the first place, a firearm. And yes, George did help a family that had gotten into a car accident, but still two domestic violence incidents that involve guns. I mean George has become the walking poster child for irresponsibility gun ownership. he's kinda going the way of O..J. post murder trial only he never had a promising career. He was just some hack of wanna-be-cop with a nice little stock pile of firearms that he could use to be a hero. Tracking down a teen who was walking home, and then killing him is an honorable thing I got to say. That's like holding up a 7-11 on Christmas Eve, and then wishing the cashier a Happy Holiday. How about taking the already existing phrase "That's Hot" claiming it as your own, and then trying to patient it. How about being a politician who swears up and down that you love equality, but then taking almost every step short of setting a barricade to stop minorities from voting. And for that matter just being a politician.
You know how they say in Hollywood you don't go to jail for killing your wife, you just the pay a really big fine. Well the same applies here. The soothing of a paranoid suburban community was worth the life of a black kid. It's kinda like Charlie Sheen. Sure he abuses every woman he's ever come into contact with. I mean so his sons are sociopaths in training, but hey, that's the price you pay for "Two And Half Men". How about Walmart? I mean they rip off their employees and the overseas slave labor they employ, but they hire veterans. It's all good.
The good news is it ain't all bad. George has a friend. Check this out:
See, George has got a friend. See Zimmerman, you got a friend a friend in a fellow gun owner who shoot a young African American. I think it would be nice to tell him that. We should tell that jackass that.
But seriously, before I sign off let us look at that picture responsible gun owner ship.
And just for fun here's another stellar example of steadfast gun ownership. Ready for this one:
