Do you want to know why this cute, cuddly monkey is all tied up? We'll tell you at the end of this installment, but first ...
This message is brought to you by the management team at you local WALMART. What better way to represent the American Dream then to have a company fuck over their employee's and rip off the tax payers than cleaving off so many of their employee's hours in order to prevent the requirement to pay for benefits of any kind, leaving us with the bill. All so they can make a fucking profit. And this is WHAT REALLY CHAFFS MY NUTS! See I bet you didn't think I'd actually say that did you? Well I did. Moving on.
Now this is fucking great, labors camps, in of all the places in the world, but Germany, and their being overseen by none other who, but goddamn neo-nazis. Seriously, this is the choice that amazon choose to make, labor camps, skinhead security team, and Germany. there is only one thing more cliche' than this shit, Flava-flav and well almost any sexually transmitted disease. An asian as a doctor, a mexican who drives a lawn mower, Puerto Ricans and time management. Let me see catholic priest and little boys. WOW! does the sign over the factory read something to affect of work makes you free? And by the way, if your a clothing company, like the one mentioned in the article, Thor Steinar, do you really want your fashion to be the fav of
racist douche bags. The ones who spend all their time hunting down the Pakistani waiter from the local Indian restaurant, just to beat him with a pipe to try to prove how much more superior his pasty ass is? Do you really? When they have a fashion show does it go some thing like: A model is walking down the runway as the announcer does his whole description of one of the new spring out fits,"When you and your friend are going out to stomp some negroes, why not do it in style. You'll be all the rage as you squash that black man's head in our cool hoodie, or this hot T-shirt.
Even when your covered with blood, your friends, and the authorities for that manner will smile at you, and say wow, you look 'great' and smile giving you a thumps up. But don't stop there, once your being processed for jail, why not wow the guards when they strip search you by wearing these spiffy boxers. They'll step back and admire how well they fit, before they make you 'spread your cheeks and give them two good coughs'."
Seriously, that was the shit that Amazon pulled. I mean Amazon is great in many respects, but that shit was horrendously wrong, and halliously unoriginal. Now, I know that your gonna say, who the hell am I to talk; I used Amazon recently, and I'm not telling you not to use the company, I mean at least they tried to clean up their shit( didn't do a very good job), I'm just saying that it's something that we need to look at. Cause in all actuality letting that shitty shit slide is bullshit. Anyway, skinheads overing seeing migrant workers at factors in Germany, really? What the FUCK???!! Now that I think of it, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING? SCRATCH THAT-we should cancel out Amazon. 86 those fuckers after they're revisit to 1939 or whatever. They should probably hold their meetings in Beer Halls. Moving along.
You know what else really chaffs my nuts? This:
I saw this this bumper sticker on a car, and it's damned March. The month of March, is there still the need to remind me of this? I get that you got faith, praise Jesus and all that jazz, but do your research. Most if not all historians agree that Jesus wasn't born on the 25th of December, and second, the idea of that holiday comes from a pagan festival that was adopted by the church. The yule log, not Christian idea, and Good Old St. Nick not originally Christian. But alright I get that those are your beliefs, but honestly when it's the middle of a smoldering, humid, melt your boots to the sidewalk, swamp ass causing, crotch rot encouraging August day, and I'm stuck in traffic with my wife on the way to a crowded beach inhabited by clones of the "Jersey Shore" cast, maybe it would be best to pack up the manger and send home the wise men home.
And now the moment you've all been waiting for. Why is the monkey tied up?
He's tied up because I'm holding him hostage. That's right if you want to see him or your childhood again you'll bring 5 million dollars to the transit station and leave it under the bench in front of platform #5. If the cops get involved, pieces of fuzzy soft fluff will be sprinkled in dumpster all over the tristate area. Oh, by the way, if you don't have 5 million I will also accept Sigourney Weaver's inner beauty, or an alluring painting of of Steve Buscemi nude. And I don't mean something that is just barible to look at, I mean something that will actually make me want to make love to the canvas. If you can find something like that then you can have back the monkey, and your childhood. In all seriousness that's not gonna be easy, Steve Buscemi nude would probably look fairly similar to Orson Wells Autopsy. Well, maybe not that bad, but you get the fucking idea. Plus, be honest, that picture is funny as hell. ha ha ha! LAUGH!
Well, anyway that all for now folks, so until the next rash.
Lou Ford
FIN
