Hi. This Lou Ford. What I am about to present to you may be seen as being old, but late than never.
So, it time for "What Really Chaffs My Nuts".

Do you know who really chaffs my nuts? I mean like causes a weird red, itchy, pus inducing when scratched rash; the kind that when the doctors see it they get so freaked out that they vomit. Then the doctor has to travel overseas to meet with a doctor who has experience with such an affliction only to find out that it's worse than some kind of jock itch, but actually an alien parasitic creature that is devouring you slowly. Don't mistake it for some skin irritation, it's an alien form of jock itch. The kind you'd expect to find on one of the Predator alien's (from the film "Predator") nut sack. That is if they had them; we'll never know. One of life's great mysteries. Well, that's what this person who really chaffs my nuts is. Who is this person? It's none other than the CNN reporter "Poppy" Harlow.

 Yes, she (the blond over there) is the reporter who famously acted like a total bitch by expressing her sympathy for the two Steubenville, Ohio high school rapist who raped an unconscious 16 year old girl and then documented and shared it on social media. She said that she couldn't help but feel sympathetic toward the two boys who had their lives ruined by a harsh justice system. Now I get that it's tragic in the sense that the two hicks had a chance to do more then work as clerks at the local 7-11 or whatever convenience store there is in that town, but that still doesn't change the fact that they raped someone. That they took advantage of someone who was vulnerable just because. The one thing that I don't get is if those two fuck wades were so highly regarded due to being on the football team, why the fuck would you go for the drunk unconscious girl? I mean aren't there pretty cheerleaders who suffer from such low self esteem that they'd attempt to pleasure the asphyxiated corpse of David Carradine if they thought they'd get a compliment,( by the way that was humor, or an attempt at it). Instead they go for the unresponsive girl. Explain to me how that would get your rocks off? I thought the whole idea of getting laid was the fun; the fun of hearing the other person moan your name as well as God's. I mean if your so great wouldn't you want the girl to brag? Wouldn't you want to fucking gloat, even if the shit was a lie? However, those assholes decided that the best thing to do was to have a clumsy grope feast with a girl who might have died from choking on her vomit? I'm sorry, but I just gotta know what exactly was involved in the decision making process of going for an animated person and a "dead fish"?
"Hum, a b.j. from Susie Needs-validation, or the passed out, dead weight, sandbag of a girl over there?"
Is it really that hard of a question?
But just in case I'm not making myself clear, putting aside all the dark, offensive humor; THE TWO BOYS RAPED SOMEONE! They got what they deserved, in fact they probably should have gotten a harsher sentence. What really sucks is that all those other students who documented the assault aren't really going to get shit. But anyway, back to fucking "Poppy" over here. I would have to say that that she has given CNN, an already shit news source, the credibility of the Discover card. You know, it's the credit card that most business men would rather accept four live chickens then it. It's the one that even 900 numbers won't take. It's the preferred card of dead beat dads cause they can't actually use it to pay for anything, but it looks good to the judge that he's trying.
"Poppy" here is almost as bad a person as Rachael Ray, or Britney Spears. You know, using her kids head as an ashtray kinda horrible(that was Britney). I guess the bullet point of this rant is that the victim in some cases doesn't receive the sympathy they deserve for being victimized. That girl never asked to be violated, and then have to suffer the further humiliation of having the incident broadcast for all to see. However, it is excusable for her to be forgotten or rather the violation against her forgotten. "Poppy" should in my opinion apologize for what she had said. Moving on.

Oh, by the way when you treat someone like they're God's gift to humanity, in the case of the Ohio rape case, you might get something like this:

These two wondrous examples of normal childhood development are Johnny and Luther Htoo, and they were the leaders of an armed Christian militia that was against the government of Burma( rather Myanmar now). The two chain smoking youngsters were believed to have mystical powers, and that they were in command of hundreds of invisible soldiers along with their already existing forces. These little fucks ran a muck armed to the teeth causing all sorts of mischief and mayhem. Delusional, gun totting, chain smoking children: every mothers dream come true.
It's either that or fucking Lindsay Lohan.

         Take your pick. Until the next rash.


Lou Ford

FIN

I'm Lou Ford, and I present to you "The Fate Of All Of John Travolta's Masseurs".

Until the next rash. 




Sincerely, 

Lou Ford

FIN

Hi everybody, this is Lou Ford. Sorry I haven't made an entry earlier, but with school and work, things have been hectic. So, from me to you I wish you a Happy Belated Easter. So would Hippity Hop the flesh eating bunny.

See, if you don't join in on his Easter egg hunt he'll eat you. So, hurry up before his hunger for human flesh becomes so insatiable that he eats you alive like a Painted Dog. Painted Dogs are African Wild Dogs that devour their prey alive so other larger predators don't chase them off before they have eaten. Hippity Hop doesn't have to worry about that, he's got the human flesh market thing cornered. Just like how Donald Trump has the whole you can wear the carcass of a mink on your disgustingly bald head, and still be revered as business genius despite continually proving that there is no rock bottom when it comes to being a douche. I mean, just look at him!

For someone who is supposed to be so business savy, he damn sure can't find a way to be anymore repulsive.

I think years from now it will be revealed that Donald Trump was never a human, but a creature from below the depths of the earth. Or that he's like "Leather Face" (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and he has been wearing all of the skin left over from Joan Rivers' plastic surgery procedures. Joan Rivers is like the bride of Frankenstein. I'm just wondering when she wakes up in the recovery room, do all the doctors collectively exclaim "It's alive"? But back to Donald. Maybe he's lasted so long because he feasts on the blood of the innocent, Maybe in an attic somewhere there's a portrait getting uglier ...? Prettier ...? Honestly I'm not really sure which with that dude. I mean Oprah is kinda immortal, but that's because she lives off of the life force of her book club members. Plus I'm pretty sure that she's got artists painting portraits of her daily so that she'll outlast god him/herself. The portrait has to do with the story of Dorian Gray by the way. Anyway, happy belated Easter. 

  So until the next rash, 

Lou Ford.

P.S. 

Hurry up and find an Easter egg. Hurry! Hippity Hop is coming. He's gonna be at your door waiting, and he doesn't know that it's not Easter anymore. He just wants to eat you. Hurry! Find a fucking egg! He'll eat your children, and then eat their chocolate bunnies too! And he won't care that the chocolate is shaped like him; he doesn't have any humanity, or dignity. Hippity is a fucking furry, flop eared, cuddly, little psychopathic gremlin with the mentality of a 5 year old boy and a yellow ribbon. He'll suck the marrow from your bones while playing with his match box cars. 

If you don't find an egg, hide. He's a fucking monster!

Happy Easter!

FIN