Snow Globes! YAY!

Hello, and welcome to another episode of What Really Chaffs My Nuts. Due to school, work, and a sick kid, I have fallen behind, so I will be doing something special. I'll be posting all of my older christmas posts. Some of those will be from my older blog "Dirty Filthy Snuff", so to all you new readers, now you can enjoy my earlier work in all it's immature 

Now it's time for "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". What really chaffs my nuts are snow globes.

 Yes, those round glass spheres filled with water that contains white particles that represent snow and some kind of festive scene, or land mark. I mean I understand the craftsmanship needed to construct a snow globe, but in all sincerity the last thing I really want besides, for example, a shot glass for a fucking city bought at some cheesy Sauveur shop at the airport, is some deceiving winter wonderland that I create when shaking a globe of glass that ends in a damn minute when the "snow" settles to the bottom. The falseness that makes my childhood dream of meeting  "Frosty The Snowman" seem real until the music box stops playing, and it's time to shake the fucking globe again. And the damn corniness of it, just makes me want to beat the glass blower in the head with the globe until he actually believes he's in it. Or even worse, the fact that they have become so cliche' that now their being mass produced by sweat shop workers in Chinatown who are taking a brake from pushing out all of Martha Stewart's products. Those ones are made of cheap plastic; so cheap that you gotta be careful where you put it or the heat from the living room lamp will melt it. And once it leaks it nearly kills you because it's not fuckin' water but instead ether or wood alcohol, or some water from some polluted river like the Hudson. You touch it and you begin to hallucinate, learn the meaning of life after meeting god. I guess that would probably happen if you drank the water from the small world ride, and by the way what the hell is up with that fucking ride? 

It's old as dirt, what fun is it? And have you ever noticed that there aren't any Jews singing? 

See, they got everything; every race, and ethnicity, but no singing Israelis. A little bigoted? Yes? No? I think yes.

Anyway that's what snow globes are, their like those bottles of water that have blue oil in them that are supposed to resembled the ocean, the ones that have the plastic little suffer in it. When you move the the bottle the oil moves like what is supposed a wave, and some how the little suffer is going to ride the wave. What happens is the little surfer flips upside down never actually touching the fucking oil. One thing, and that is that it can be said it's a hell of a fucking way to pass the motherfucking time. It hypnotizes you into this state similar to the P.O.W.'s in the "Manchurian Candidate. In fact if it weren't for the little plastic fucking surfer, you couldn't be coresered into doing anything. With the plastic man bouncing around hypnotically, it's like a swinging pocket watch. The thing that really sucks is the ones that are made out of those clear plastic draw string bags that by the time you get home has leaked so that the inside of your luggage looks like an Alaskan oil spill. And why the hell do we need to buy souviors? Why would I want a fucking plastic snow globe of the Eiffel Tower(a gigantic french erector set) that the particles are made to look like birds when shaken? What the fuck is the point of the fucking Eiffel Tower?

 Is there any other purpose than to just look like an avant-garde mistake? Did they run outta fucking building materials? Is that why they hang lights on it, to give it some substance? Anyway, as pretty as a snow globe maybe a wonderful winter wonderland, it's just that a winter wonderland suspended in time, so when you shake it up you become memorized by the beauty, and the wonderment of the season represented by the floating snow suspended in time for a brief moment. And then all the snow settles to the bottom, then the face of that ugly lapdog you never wanted, but your girlfriend demanded you get, looks at you through the snow globe magnifying it's face, scaring the shit out of you causing you to drop the decoration and it shaters. And while your happy the lie is dead, you still die a little more inside.

Happy Holidays!

Until next time, 

Lou Ford

Disgusted!

You know what really chaffs my nuts? Do you know what really chaffs my nuts is the recent Ohio State Attack, and other acts of terror. The  attacker, a Somali man, had used  his car to run students down before jumping out, and stabbing people with a knife. ISIS has now claimed that the murderer, Abdul Razak  Ali Artan, was a soldier of theirs.

Fuck you extremist!

 It's because of actions like that that result in everyone suffering. Moderate Muslims suffer due to the fear of harm, and everyone else suffers because of that violence and the terror, and the rage it causes. Because of this shit we have become more divided as a nation than we  have in decades. As an American Muslim I am disgusted by this disgraceful bullshit and the harm it will continue to cause. What is even worse is that if our current President elect chooses to follow through with his many campaign promises then I fear shit is going to get worse.

 So thank you extremists for FUCKING EVERYTHING UP! Thank you for dividing us even more than we already are. AND FUCK YOU FOR THE KILLS, AND VIOLENCE. FUCK YOU FOR THE FOR THE VICTIMS OF YOUR VIOLENCE. AND FUCK YOU FOR DESTROYING WHATEVER GOOD FOOTING MUSLIMS, MODERATE AND A LIKE, HAVE IN OUR NEIGHBORING NON-MUSLIM COMMUNITIES. Eat a big, gigantic, huge mule cock.


Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN