Tuesday, January 13, 2015

It's The Happy Tree Friends again. Finally!

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". I am currently finishing up the next post, and while you wait I figured that I'd give you an episode or two of "The Happy Tree Friends" to occupy your time. Enjoy!
Until the next rash,


Lou Ford



FIN

Monday, January 12, 2015

Punch a Mime!

Coming soon to a strip mall near you ...

Is work causing you to go mental? Are your kids driving you bananas? Are you suffering from a fiery, burning rage inside your heart that is almost incapable of being effectively described. Well you can never mind alcoholism, drug addiction, or spousal abuse. Forget about murdering transient hookers, going on a rampage with a chainsaw, or feasting on the flesh of your in-laws on Thanksgiving after you've bludgeoned them. Autoerotic asphyxiation won't help you. Kicking meter maids in the nuts won't satisfy that craven need for relief either. Well, never fear because "Punch A Mime" is here!
 
Artwork by Tina Anna Perrone. 12/02/2014
 Now there is a place where you can let all of that boil over; all that rage, self loathing, envy, and heartbreak. Look at that face. Just look at a mime.






Just look at a mime and feel. What do you feel? Is there something burning inside of you? Is there a stifling blaze that has been ignited deep inside? Do you know what that is? It's your hate. Don't understand why? Let me explain. Mimes are french, the worst kind of people, and just as hatred is the natural reaction humans have to public breastfeeding, the same is true for the french a.k.a. mimes. 

Now the world can be an unfair place, one day's hardship can leave a bad taste in your mouth that could last a lifetime, but we all need an outlet. We need a way to release all of our pent up emotions, but why lash out at those who matter? I mean the tween cashier who is too busy tweeting to ring up your items correctly so that you can go home after a long day of work isn't that important. She isn't, but do you really want to go end up walking the green fuckin' mile (death row) for that tween, or that snot nose douche who has to have his drink at Starbucks made to such precise specifications that Hogwarts’ own 
Professor Severus Snape would have to be summoned to prepare it? If that dickhead doesn't get his way then it becomes such a catastrophe that the angel of death will come down and take the first born of all those of Egypt.  

No, instead do the world, and yourself a service and punch a mime. All Prices are Negotiable! All Prices! So come on down! 


Punch a Mime. Why? Because Mimes are French and the French are just horrible people.  

(A special thanks to Tina Anne Perrone  for the above artwork).


Until the next rash,


Lou Ford



FIN