Jackknifed tooth pull.

Hello again, and welcome to another installment of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". The incident that rubbed me the wrong way is something that is truly hilarious. It's chocked full of so much raw fucktarded stupidity that my head nearly exploded from how hard I laughed.

So, here's the deal, this truck driver decided that the best time to pull out a loose tooth with both hands was while driving an 18-wheeler. I'm not really sure what to say about that one. I'm really not sure, but then would you expect anything less in Alabama?

This is the state that not only has the worst education system, but the record for the most horrid oral care in the world. Seriously, Canadian hockey players have healthier teeth. Meth addicts in Arkansas have better oral hygiene. Somali militia men who are payed with the addictive plant khat which they chew all day long resulting in homicidal  psychosis have better teeth than an anyone from Alabama. I mean just the fact that this happened in the state of Alabama pretty much means it's case closed. Hey, that's what makes this country great. If a tweaked out, snaggletoothed truck driver can't jack knife his 18 wheeler on the interstate while trying to perform backyard dentistry then I don't know what is. Maybe I was wrong, that's not all that America is. America is freedom; freedom of speech, religion, and choices. It's Apple pie, and black coffee.
It's the birthplace of Fordism , which is the idea of a modern economic and social system based on industrialized and standardized form of mass production. Look that up.  It's the right to marry anyone you want, in most states anyway. Barbie is America. The Teddy Bear is America. Disney is America. Hell, the Internet is America.

One of the two staples  of John Wayne's diet.

Bruno convicted.

All those things are American, and so is crystal meth derived from sudafed and made by people who are now all dead. Snorting coke off of a dead hooker tits is America. Pro-athletes kiss their sweeties with their fists is America too. Well, that last one isn't entirely true. Bruno Fernandes de Souza.

Bruno Fernandes de Souza

Look him up and see what you get. Just a clue, he killed somebody, was convicted, and was still allowed to play soccer. I guess that what America is, a country of freedoms and stupidity.  Roller derby being a form of sexuality is American too. Oh, and I almost forgot, so is complaining about the lose of American jobs to foreigners, and then hiring day labors to mow your lawn and trim your hedges. All those things are American, but more importantly for this story, the south's history of bad oral hygiene is America.

Bruno convicted and still playing soccer. 

A Proud  Alabamians' mouth. 

Until the next rash, 

Lou Ford

FIN

Shia Labout to eat flesh

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". I am working another longer and hopefully entertaining post, but just to keep you occupied here is this hilarious Youtube video. The song is by Rob Cantor, and while I hate Shia Labeouf, the whole set up is so funny I don't even care about how it ends. That's enough from me; enjoy!  

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

It ain't easy!

This is a public service announcement from all of us at "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". Remember childrens, "It ain't easy being green". Just ask Kermit Da Frog.

This message was brought to you by "What Really Chaffs My Nuts".


Until the next rash,



Lou Ford

FIN

It's the "Happy Tree Friends" again! YAH! Enjoy.

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

The scent of a shore leave in Manila

Hello, and welcome to yet another episode of What Really Chaffs My Nuts. Do you know what really chaffs my nuts? What really Chaffs me are those damn Old Spice "crying mother"

 

commercials. You know the ones where the mothers weepingly sing about how Old Spice made men out of their sons hence taking away their "babies" away. Yup, those are the disgusting commercials that make my bile burn the back of my throat. See the reason I hate Old Spice is simple, it stinks. That aftershave is more of a nostalgic scent of a shore leave in Manila then the musk manhood. I mean for god sake it's contained in a bottle with a ship on it. This is not the scent of manhood. It's the scent of a shore leave in Manila for Christ's sake! Donkey shows Damn it! Fucking donkey shows. It's the scent of an old' salty. And moms on those commercials (everyone for that matter) Old Spice didn't make a man out of your sons, it didn't. You want to know what did? What turned them into men was hormones, responsibility, and the paralyzing fear of knowing that they are stuck in a dead end soul sucking job that results in their existence being reduced to nothingness. That is what turned your lit' boys into men, not a cheap after shave.  No, Old Spice has made your boys smell like a cross between a drunken sailor and a ladyboy prostitute. That's right, a cross between a drunken sailor and a ladyboy prostitute. Think about it.

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

It's The Happy Tree Friends again. Finally!

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". I am currently finishing up the next post, and while you wait I figured that I'd give you an episode or two of "The Happy Tree Friends" to occupy your time. Enjoy!

Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

Punch a Mime!

Coming soon to a strip mall near you ...

Is work causing you to go mental? Are your kids driving you bananas? Are you suffering from a fiery, burning rage inside your heart that is almost incapable of being effectively described. Well you can never mind alcoholism, drug addiction, or spousal abuse. Forget about murdering transient hookers, going on a rampage with a chainsaw, or feasting on the flesh of your in-laws on Thanksgiving after you've bludgeoned them. Autoerotic asphyxiation won't help you. Kicking meter maids in the nuts won't satisfy that craven need for relief either. Well, never fear because "Punch A Mime" is here!

 

Artwork by Tina Anna Perrone. 12/02/2014

 Now there is a place where you can let all of that boil over; all that rage, self loathing, envy, and heartbreak. Look at that face. Just look at a mime.

Just look at a mime and feel. What do you feel? Is there something burning inside of you? Is there a stifling blaze that has been ignited deep inside? Do you know what that is? It's your hate. Don't understand why? Let me explain. Mimes are french, the worst kind of people, and just as hatred is the natural reaction humans have to public breastfeeding, the same is true for the french a.k.a. mimes. 

Now the world can be an unfair place, one day's hardship can leave a bad taste in your mouth that could last a lifetime, but we all need an outlet. We need a way to release all of our pent up emotions, but why lash out at those who matter? I mean the tween cashier who is too busy tweeting to ring up your items correctly so that you can go home after a long day of work isn't that important. She isn't, but do you really want to go end up walking the green fuckin' mile (death row) for that tween, or that snot nose douche who has to have his drink at Starbucks made to such precise specifications that Hogwarts’ own 

Professor Severus Snape would have to be summoned to prepare it? If that dickhead doesn't get his way then it becomes such a catastrophe that the angel of death will come down and take the first born of all those of Egypt.  

No, instead do the world, and yourself a service and punch a mime. All Prices are Negotiable! All Prices! So come on down! 

Punch a Mime. Why? Because Mimes are French and the French are just horrible people.  

(A special thanks to Tina Anne Perrone  for the above artwork).


Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN