What Christmas is really all about.

Hello again, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". This one isn't one where I'm gonna rant, but instead I'm just going to show you what I think Christmas means to us these days. Observe: 

So, for right now I'll wish you a happy holidays.


Until the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

Hi. Do you know what really chaffs my nuts? Well, actually who? This guy:

There are so many things that I could say about this, but I think I'll leave it to South Park first. Take it away Tray and Matt.

 The reason why I say this is because of this:

Girlfriend to deputies: George Zimmerman pointed a shotgun at me

That was the headline from Florida Newspaper the Orlando Sentinel. Here is the link: George Zimmerman arrested for domestic violence - Orlando Sentinel. And there's this two from the magazine "The Week".

What was deal was that Zimmerman had been arrested after a domestic dispute occurred where apparently George Zimmerman had threatened his girlfriend with a shotgun. When authorities arrived he had barricaded himself in the home that his girlfriend and he were sharing after his divorce. So, now while he was released he has to stay away from his girlfriend, surrender all of his fire arms, and wear a satellite monitor. 

Ok, so I lied. I do got a little to say. The one question I got is why the hell would you after being the center of a contrives that had the potential to have worse consequences than The Rodney King trails, and Ben Affleck possibly playing batman, why would you still find ways to thrust yourself into the media spot light. Seriously? Getting pulled over several time, and then being involved in a previous domestic dispute with your ex-wife and her father. A dispute that involves of all things, but the exact thing that gotten you in trouble the first place, a firearm. And yes, George did help a family that had gotten into a car accident, but still two domestic violence incidents that involve guns. I mean George has become the walking poster child for irresponsibility gun ownership. he's kinda going the way of O..J. post murder trial only he never had a promising career. He was just some hack of wanna-be-cop with a nice little stock pile of firearms that he could use to be a hero. Tracking down a teen who was walking home, and then killing him is an honorable thing I got to say. That's like holding up a 7-11 on Christmas Eve, and then wishing the cashier a Happy Holiday. How about taking the already existing phrase "That's Hot" claiming it as your own, and then trying to patient it. How about being a politician who swears up and down that you love equality, but then taking almost every step short of setting a barricade to stop minorities from voting. And for that matter just being a politician.

You know how they say in Hollywood you don't go to jail for killing your wife, you just the pay a really big fine. Well the same applies here. The soothing of a paranoid suburban community was worth the life of a black kid. It's kinda like Charlie Sheen. Sure he abuses every woman he's ever come into contact with. I mean so his sons are sociopaths in training, but hey, that's the price you pay for "Two And Half Men". How about Walmart? I mean they rip off their employees and the overseas slave labor they employ, but they hire veterans. It's all good.

The good news is it ain't all bad. George has a friend. Check this out:

See, George has got a friend. See Zimmerman, you got a friend a friend in a fellow gun owner who shoot a young African American. I think it would be nice to tell him that. We should tell that jackass that.

But seriously, before I sign off let us look at that picture responsible gun owner ship.

And just for fun here's another stellar example of  steadfast gun ownership. Ready for this one:

IT"S TED NUGENT!

               Look at it and think about it.

Until the next rash,



Lou Ford.

FIN

Judge Judy

Hello, and welcome again to another episodes of sorts of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". While I am preparing another post, I wanted you to just remember that in our nation this is simple truth. 

Yup, that rights, Judge Judy is more appealing than anybody else. That is the simple reality for all those daytime TV viewers. She is of utmost importance along with all those hens (the women) posing as hosts from "The View". Think about it. 

Until the next rash, 

Lou Ford

FIN

Hello again my friends, and now it;s time for another installment of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts". Do you know what really chaffs my nuts? Well, check this out: 

A friend of mine made me aware of this video, Alison Gold's "Chinese Food", and its popularity; so I checked it out. I hate myself for it. Yes, this is the most disgusting thing I've seen next to Mickey Rourke's face at any time during his existence. I mean just look at his face. Just do it just for a second. Scroll down and look. 

You'll probably only stare at it for as long as you watched that shitty exploitative, corny music video. And Bruce Jenner's face. That thing is a horrible, horrible monstrosity of human face. It's (Bruce's) face looks like a sideways face lifted vagina that's been stretched over an elderly man's bony knee cap. But I'll  move on. 

That song was more of a waste of time than trying to open a bag of Chex Mix. You can't open one of those things without a fucking blow torch and a concrete saw. "Tear Here" my ass. You use your teeth and you end up chip a tooth. Then as you scream and curse at General Mills,  you try to cut the bag open only instead you slice off your finger. The blood pours out, spurting on the kitchen counter, and pooling on the floor. Attempting to stop the bleeding you almost slip on the crimson pool below you. Then the door bell rings and as you begin to suffer from shock you answer the door in hopes of getting help, however you discover it's girl scouts from the local troop selling those delicious cookies. The tragic result is that the little girls become so traumatized by the episode that they drop out of school. Then they become alcoholics, or drug addicts, and start working at a fast food drive in windows. 

The only job worse than that is a cashier at the store "Spencer's". "Spencer's",  ewww! 

But seriously, that song made me want to give myself a colonoscopy with a garden hose and a camcorder. Why? Simple, that pain would have distracted me from the pain of my soul slowly being murdered by just the melody of that tune. It's about Chinese food, why the fuck should we care? Really? The only problem is that once the video started I found myself becoming so enraged that I wanted nothing more than to have Alison Gold (the star of the video) be shanghaied and forced to make poorly made products that will be sold in the West. Even better, if she had been made into the "ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chow mein" she loved so much. That chow mein thing was a line from the song by the way. Then I got over my rage, but only for a minute. Why? Well, because the next thing that they present to you is a fucking black guy in a panda suit. 

 Yeah, a slightly skinner version of Fat Albert takes off the Panda head and begins to sing. Actually, he's more of a fat Usher.

It was an abomination. It still isn't nearly as bad as black face, but it's close. Plus, it injected a creepy vibe that made the song much more disturbing. A grown man in a panda suit playing Monopoly with a bunch of little girls he has no relation to, that's unnerving. 

 I'm sorry, but under any other circumstance he'd have to register as a sex offender. But, stepping away from that concept, the song just plain sucks ass. Seriously it does. And then the strange man had a pillow fight with the little girls.

     

Now I know that you think I'm racist because of the whole black guy in a panda suit thing. However,  let me make this clear, any adult who is in a panda suit hanging out with prepubescent girls on their free time is creepy. In this case it's like seeing R. Kelley use a unisex bathroom at "Chuck E. Cheese". And besides the whole damn video is racist.       

So to sum this all up, having seen this I have only one reaction. This:

Until the next rash,



Lou Ford

FIN

Hello, and welcome to another episode of "What Really Chaffs My Nuts".

I didn't put in an entry for Halloween due to school, and a medical issue, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to at least wish everyone a Happy Be-lated Halloween. Though I am not a big fan of Halloween, I still enjoyed this short cartoon. I hope you do too.

Until the next rash,



Lou Ford

FIN

Hello again, my fellow abraded victims, check this out:

Isn't that great! a mascot for a prison so children won't just understand that criminals are human, but now they can see their cuddly side. Sure, Chester's (the child molester) catch phrase was "Hey little boy do you want some candy" which was then followed by a rag of chloroform. Then that was followed by a sweaty, sticky, wrestling match on a urine stained mattress, but he wrote a song for his mother's birthday. He knitted a blankly for his nephew, and sleeps with a night light. I mean I get it. I get it. I get the fact that the world is scary and that we do need to teach our kids about the truths of those dangers including the fact that those of us who are monsters still are in fact human. But in all honesty do we really have to go that far? A mascot for a prison? I mean in the States we had a character on Sesame Street who was a hobos who lived in a garbage can (Oscar The Grouch).

 Right now we got a cute, lovable mongoloid puppet who's a junkie (that would be the Cookie Monster).

Shit, the same program has a character who has AIDS. Her name is Kami.

Yes, the disease that Conservatives and born again Christians refer to as god's punishment for the homosexuals, and harlots (aka god's equalizer for the non-believers).  But like I said, do people really have to take it that far. A mascot that if nothing else will actually help to lore children to their death because, I mean, the dude who represents the thugs is basically a fucking teletubbie with a psychopathic under belly. In others words he'd teach the kids to count to ten while raping and murdering their moms. Isn't that fun boys and girls? I mean he's a mascot for a prison, how sweet and innocent can he be?
I don't get it, but then again we're talking about people who are absolutely mad about cartoons that involve 15 year old school girls being fucked by many tentacles monsters. So I guess in that case it's all relative. Still do you really think a cuddly mascot is necessary to really change the image of criminals? Seriously? That's like turning prison raping, wife beating Mike Tyson into a cute fuzzy-wazzy kitty cat. No matter how you dress it, the fact still remains that it is still a lethal creature. Just the Japanese made this one, like many of their others characters, with fur and cute little pointy ears. A Pokemon that's probably carrying a shiv. He'll stab the shit outta ya, but all you'll wanna do is give him a hug.  
Seriously?    



Well, that all being said I think I'll say bye-bye.

So until the next rash,

Lou Ford

FIN  

Do you know what really chaffs my nuts? The shit down below. Just read it. 

So, the people who were watching the pageant had gotten angry that a non-white girl from Dallas, Texas hadn't won. They had gotten pissed off that a non-JonBenet Ramsey looking blonde who was a good Christian so her only lover was Jesus hadn't gotten the tiara.  That had gotten them so hot under the collar that they felt the need to actually waste time on twitter flinging insults at the winner. Their nuts were almost as chaffed as mine. Can you believe it? Now all that rage about a pageant sounds pretty pathetic, but maybe before we make that judgement call let us examine, and then review. First off what exactly is the Miss America pageant? Well, the pageant is nothing more than a scholarship program. Yeah, that's right. Not an office that gives unlimited access to our nations tweens. It's not an election to a higher office, or some political position that gives the winner a huge amount of clout. No, it's for scholarships. In laymen's terms it's money for  school. So, what does that mean? Well, for all you fuckin' Mensa members out there that means that the winner and the runner ups receive some sort financial aid for basically dancing horribly choreographed routines, swim suit competitions, and shity talent portions that are two steps up from the free drink coupon Thursdays at the local strip club. So, basically there's T&A followed by a middle school talent show. That's really the makings for move makers and role models. I mean wouldn't you say that. It something that Amanda Bynes could win. I'm not talking  about Nickelodeon's sweet funny girl. Oh no, the wig wearing, drug induced psychosis suffering, I got a smushed gummy bear in my pants and I ate it, one. 

Having gone over that here is the next thing to ask yourself. You ready? I just want to make sure you are. The question is who the hell cares? Seriously. After that win the new Miss New York will be forgotten. She'll pop up here and there maybe, but over all we ain't gonna hear shit about her. Why? Because she's fucking Miss America, and her symbolic significance equates to that of condoms for quadriplegics. Her positions matters about as much as public lice at the Jersey Shore. Plus, just think about this; the pageant is held in Atlantic City. Atlantic City. That's Las Vegas' red headed step child. In other words it's held there because nobody really gives a fuck. 

When you read all the tweets that call Miss America an Arab, or "Miss 9/11" it becomes a little confusing because she isn't an Arab. I know! Oh My God! But she has dark, brown skin and speaks with some sort of weird accent that the guy at 7/11 has. Did you see her name? Now you tell me that it doesn't mean box cutter, or suicide bomber, or death to America in whatever hebgeby language those terrorist speak. Well, here's the surprise. She's Indian. I'll let that set in. Indian, and American born. OMG! 

Here's a little advice for those who decided that if it's tan it's taliban. Do the research. You got plenty of time to tweet, and watch reality TV, but to Google anything with exception of something stupid is impossible. Indians for the most part aren't even close to the same race as Arabs. In fact, and here is something that will throw you for a loop, being an arab doesn't equate to being Muslim. Being Muslim doesn't equal evil. Wow! In the middle East which is a fair distance from India, there are Europeans if you will. The Term Aryan does hold some historic truth. They are Indo-Europeans. Plus with colonization, white blood lines are in place. So please, do us all a favor and I say this with the utmost respect, please stop reminding everyone all the fuckin' time that 9/11 changed everything. We know. Instead of focusing on a Sand something person, why not focus on hunger in America, women's rights, health care, or gun control. Hey, how about this, everybody complains about immigration so here's something to think about. We as a nation are the second highest consumers of the illegal sex trade. Germany comes in first. Yeah, we're second. So all you fellas out there who bitch about illegals, and then on their lunch break go to get a happy ending at the Thai massage parlor should think about the fact that in many cases you are helping to make the illegal situation worse. That girl could have been trafficked in, and forced to please your pale ass.   How about being concerned about this:                  

Or this shit down bellow.

This law is great we got the fucking visually impaired packing heat. Oh yeah, that's gonna turn out great. No casualties from that law. That makes about as much sense as flavoring cought syrup. I don't care what you say, cherry or grape, all that sugar can't coverup the fact that I'm forcing down some chemical with an ungodly taste that reminds me of eating pixy stix laced with windex. Don't lie to me. If I want lies I'll watch Foxnews, or porn.

That being said I'll let you go. Until the next rash.



Lou Ford

FIN