Happy Pills!

The Holidays are here, and that means stress. Even more important and debilitating are the resentments that are covered by like cheap presents, with almost transparent holiday cheer. But not to worry, I found a cure. So, read this and find comfort in the possibility of being numb enough to survive the season with out a care in the world. Enjoy!

The holidays are coming, and you know what that means. It means; crisp colorful leaves, cool autumn breezes, thankful gratitude, good food, football, hot chocolate, decorations, snow, presents, and joyous family unity. But let's be honest, do you really enjoy those gathering with those dysfunctional, drunken pricks. How many people's holidays are supposed to be like this:

  Only they turn into this? 

Well don't make that face

And don't rush out to overstock on shotgun shell. No you don't need them yet (yet is the operative word). Not with these Happy Pills we're selling. Divorce The World Happy Pills.  There is no need when you have these. Yes, that's right! No more will you need to deal with the damage inflicted by your family through alcoholism, drug addiction, compulsive shopping or,   awkward sexual encounters at truck stop glory holes with strangers of questionable character. No need in containing and bottling up the rage until one day you literally bludgeon a meter maid to dead with the ticket they issue you for only being a minute over on meter.

 And I mean seriously, who the hell made them god? They're predators, they are. They lie in wait, and then when you're having a bad day, they give you a ticket, for something stupid. To top it off they do it in front of you with a snot nose "talk to the hand" attitude that is so chafing that it literally stupefies you down a few pegs to the point at which you almost swallow your tongue rather than being able to pronounce a syllable. They're fucking god's lit' kidney punches. They are.  You can use these pills  for them too. Actually, scratch  that next time you see one kick em' in the nuts, or the vagina. It feel good, almost like therapy. 

But back to the topic. Family. That's right, the universe's way of reminding you that forced sterilization may not be that bad. 

Maybe forced sterilization is that bad?

Yes? No? Eh? It's hard to say. 

While you may be harping on that idea, just remember that with these pills everything will be fine. Why? Because these sweet, sweet little slices of heaven will change your reality forever. Taking these things is like divorcing the world because once swallowed there are no responsibilities or rules that you need to follow. Hence the name of Divorce The World Happy Pills .

Don't pop bland, chalky pills. YUCKY!!!

No boring, bland pills for you. No not when you can taste the rainbow!
THE RAINBOW BABY!

 Gravity, ha!  You'll be able to fly. Yup that's right gravity won't have shit on you. They 'll make you not care about anything. And it's for a reasonable price, and if it isn't? Just $19.99 for nine pills. It's a steal ( well maybe not, but after taking them, who the hell cares). Who gives a fuck? You won't. You'll have the joyous apathy of a drunken Stalin after a kick ass handy j. I mean the drug formulation contained in these tablets of tingling nirvana make you happily not give a fuck to such an extreme that if Charlie Sheen popped them he say "Hold up. 

I'm done! Take me to rehab".
So remember while the holidays are here, it doesn't mean you have to suffer. Just take the best new coping tool around, a euphoric, "I just don't give a fuck" apathy creating drug. It may suck your soul dry, but it will make the process fun. Just a reminder too, no need to be filled with dread when you can just watch the destructive spiral of dysfunction that is your family up close but at an emotional distant level of gleeful apathy. What could be better than that?

ORDER NOW!!

ORDER! Are you ordering yet? Why the hell are you still reading this ad? GO ORDER! Oh I forgot to give you the number. Call 1-800-THIS-WILL-KILL YOU ON THE INSIDE. 









Until the next rash,



Lou Ford

FIN