Hello, and welcome to another episode of What Really Chaffs My Nuts. It's that time of year again. The season of giving; what really chaffs my nuts. So, I guess Merry Christmas is in order, right? Well, actually it's been in order since fucking October. Seriously, it has. As soon as the scary masks were put back in the closets the most terrifying time of the year began. That time is Thanxsmas. Thanxsmas is the period that runs from November to January 1st. It's when you get hit with so much love and materialism, you're not sure what's going to explode first; your head, your heart, or your wallet. If you don't think it's that bad then listen to this, there are several radio stations that have decided from to December 1st until Christmas to play nothing but Christmas music. Nothing but Christmas music all day long, Christmas music. That's sensory deprivation, or more accurately in this case subjection to noise. This season is the Guantanamo Bay of Holidays. That's harsh, I know, but when the day after Thanksgiving people go out to fight each other to the death for sales at stores like Walmart, I'd say were screwed.
"I'm thankful for my family, friends, and loved ones who make my life a little brighter everyday. Now let's go buy some presents at discounted prices, and if anybody gets in our way, we take em' out. Let's lock and load people!!"
How about the fact that people will happily "cut a bitch" for a parking spot at the mall? When I say "cut a bitch" I mean they will literally use a sharp object to wound you so they can be closer to mall entrance, and get their kids picture taken with the alcoholic mall Santa before you. So now there's 25 days of relentless Christmas carols? It's Guantanamo Bay. Happy Thanxsmas everybody!
Until the next rash.
Lou Ford
FIN
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