This isn't a rant about "What Really Chaffs My Nuts", but it is something to brighten you day. 

Let's be honest life is cruel. It a life sucking abyss of a bitch whose swirling blackness slowly sucks the life out of you until you are an empty vessel that holds flesh and blood. Flesh and blood, but nothing else. It drains your essence till you're so vacant that when you see your own reflection it at laughs at you in hysterical malevolence. From it filthy, disgusting, stagnant puddle of back alley parasite infested  gutter water, it laughs at you. To put it simply life is a mean vicious bitch, but there is a silver lining. That bright spot is at least you weren't one of those gullible douches who actually believed in the head line above. The whole "Holy milk" thing. So when life gets bad just remember your a step up in the world. Jizz isn't a creamy version of the Holy Grail. Things are all good in the hood. 

Now if your one of those folks, well, your fucked. I mean lets face it, game over. That's it. There's not much left is there. Stop trying to pretend that each day is a new adventure 'cause you just got down on your knees to receive communion the way of the alter boys. Really, there ain't much left. 

Well, that's just about it. The next time you feel bad just remember this, and smile while the nurse takes out the catheter.   

Until till the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

Check this out:

So, I guess that you could look at it this way; sure you may get raped, robbed, murdered, burglarized. I mean you could become fatally ill from a fleshing eating bacteria from the severed limb of a former motor industries employee that results in a sky rocketing career as a blues musician named "Stubs McCain". In fact maybe that said hand might come back to life like Thing from The Adams Family, and in an attempt to find its owner attacks you. All those things could happen to you, but just remember one thing. The one thing to remember is that while all those horrible things may have happened, the house that it happened in... you got for a steal. Doesn't that make things all worth while?     

This is What Really Chaffs My Nuts:

There are expiration dates on bottled water? It's water in a bottle, seriously a date to sell the product by? Are you kidding me? What next expiration dates on potting soil? Best if sold by this date or else it will turn, well, into dirt. And that liquid in the bottle pictured up there is water. It's water. There's a date. What the Fuck?! 

Until the next rash,

Lou Ford

FIN