Hi, for this installment, "What Really Chaffs My Nuts" are Jehovah's Witnesses.

Need I say more?

Oh yeah, by the way here is how to keep them away.



Till the next rash,


Lou Ford

FIN

This is Lou Ford here, the author of "Dirty Filthy Snuff", and yes this is another blog. This one's main purpose is to focus on the shit that pisses me off, or rubs my sack the wrong way, but its title is less off putting, and doesn't invoke the images of deviants watching a poor innocent being murdered on film, or basically O.J. Simpson's Saturdays when not actually stabbing someone. So, with out further a due, let us beginning (enjoy What Really Chaffs My Nuts).


Hey, hey, hey! Hi everybody, and welcome to the brand new blog “What Really Chaffs My Nuts". I will begin right away with what this blog is named after, “What Really Chaffs My Nuts” (duh).

So what really chaffs my nuts are bumper stickers, but more importantly those preachy, Christie as hell, I’m better than you “Pro-life” bumper stickers. Yeah, you know those that say that “Jesus is pro-life” or 

“Fetus is Latin for baby”, or even better, 

“Pray the Rosary to end abortion”. Those are what really rub my sack the wrong way. Before I go any further let me say this: this is a damn rant, and it is meant to be humorous. So, while I know that this is a touchy issue, try to look at it subjectively. And anyway if you know my track record, then you’ll know that in some cases I can’t sink much lower. Now, here we go.

While I understand that to many a fetus is a human, a life, that has existed since it was conceived, and so someone shouldn’t just decide “hey, this is so inconvenient, so why don’t you just suck the little fucker out with a shop vac, and then I can make my three o’clock manicure. Sure, I get it, but also first off you Christie, bible thumping; I support our troops and baby fetuses’ assholes, who are you to decide how someone should treat their own bodies? What made you such authorities on morality? Now I know that this is a generalization, but when the most memorable aspect of the past year that dealt with abortion and women’s health is this douche: Todd Akin.   

There is something left to be desired. By the way the whole idea that a woman’s body can prevent an unwanted pregnancy by her bodies will must be some kind of amazing Jedi mind trick that Todd Akin must teach the rest of the world. He must be some kind of powerful warlock. What exactly does a woman have to do? Does she have to close her eyes, control her breathing and remember to” be the douche”?

I mean it’s cool if you wanna protest and petition for anti-abortion laws, but seriously, at nine o’clock in the morning does everyone need to know every political, moral and religious point of view that you have, that includes that you believe that Obama  is a terrorist, while their on way to fucking work? And by the way with everything that some of you guys out there paste on your cars bumpers; with all of your personal opinions, you might as well let me perform a rectal exam on you, because after reading your Monday morning quarter backing bullshit slapped on all over your 

cars, just about the only thing I don’t know is your diabetics mother’s measurements. By the way, do you think that you could also have bumper sticker that regularly informs us where you are in the bible. Ya know like book, chapter, and verse.  And let me be very clear, I don’t want to read 

“Smile, your mother choose life” when I’m on my way to meet my wife for dinner after work. But, let me also say thank you for somehow reminding me that my mom decided to birth me. Thank you for feeling the need to just bring up the fact to a complete stranger that they were pushed out of a vagina. Somehow I as an adult hadn’t even the slightest notion that it had occurred. I thought that a stork had brought me to my mommy!

I mean how is someone like me supposed to know that a man (my father) ejaculated sperm into my mother’s vajinin, and that then go inside her belly, (the womb), until I was pushed out of there into the arms of an unknown, masked man who slapped me on my ass and yelled out “It’s a boy!” How was I to knows that my mommy and daddy would give each other long hugs and through love I was created? How about the reality, in the midst of a drunken stupor in the dark my parents engaged in a clumsy grope feast resulting in me coming out of my dad’s sack, and then going into my mom’s hole where I grew and developed until she pushed me out. You guys fucking amaze me. And all this time I thought I had just risen from the goo and dried crud that had accumulated on my dad’s nut rag. Honestly, though that reminds me that paying attention to your half baked “logical” theories is like learning time management from a Puerto Rican or an Arab. That was another joke by the way.

I do have one question; just one tiny question. How do you explain the correctness of being pro-life to parents of a child diagnosed with Tay-Sachs? Do you even know what Tay-Sachs disease is? Well, in short it is an autosomal recessive genetic disorder. It causes a progressive deterioration of mental and physical abilities that commences around six months, and usually results in death by age four. What that usually means is that the child becomes deaf, mute, unable to swallow all the while several other disabling symptoms that basically make a cucumber more responsive set in. Kinda like Helen Keller with a traumatic head wound. Doesn’t that sound like something that you’d want to share with the world. How could the baby possible be in pain? Hey moms, just think you’ll have your so much fun playing dress up with your very own living breathing doll. Need something new for your Christmas nativity scene, try a Tay-Sachs kid. That being said, is life in that instance such a privilege? But wait Bill Gram rowdies, protecting unborn fetuses that in some cases have been created through rape is right, but hating and possibly harming “fags” is okay. How about calling a fictional children’s book character by the name of Harry Potter a sinful witch, or a satanic sorer and condemning all children who like him, is great, but don’t acknowledge that   Saul used the Witch of Endor to conjure the spirit of Samuel for his own benefit. But hey, I guess morality is an all you can eat buffet where you can pick and choose what is right based on what suites you. Maybe that’s a little harsh, or outlandish, maybe a little accusatory, or hey maybe “high and mighty”, and so for a distraction here are some PUPPIES:

But truthishly not all pro-lifers are bad; I was just mocking a stereotype. And if you got a bug up your ass about it, I in no way intended on offending you, but develop a sense of humor. That being said I think that this is my que to exit stage right. So, until the next rash, see ya.

Lou Ford

FIN

P.S.

Your as mental disturbed as they say you are.